I'll never forget the moment I realized how true this was about you. 

A mother wonders about these things. 

Will he know God? Will he acknowledge and respect his spiritual nature? Without going to church every Sunday, will he ever come to understand God as I do?  I had no answers. 

It sometimes haunted me in the night when I woke up alone and worried about the future. 
Funny, I never worried about it during daytime hours. In those times I thought most about whether you'd know your birth father one day. I prayed all the time for that. I knew it would happen in its own time. I wanted it sooner, rather than later. I didn't want money or other things, only that you could know each other. It seemed only fair to you, and I knew the beautiful gift he was missing. That tore at my soul more than anything. The idea of him missing these moments stung. I was so sad for him some days. You and I were fine. We were always fine. 

It stuns me I didn't worry about God as much as I did your relationship with your father.  In retrospect, it was out of character for me to appear unconcerned about your spiritual life, but I knew you were right where you were supposed to be.

When people asked about your religion, I always responded with confidence - like I knew something they didn't. As if I had a secret.  I meant what I said too. 

"He'll choose when he's old enough," I'd tell them. I told them I was Christian but believed forcing a child - especially my genes -  into a religion is a pretty sure guarantee he'll reject it when he's older. If I give him a choice, and point him towards goodness, he will find his way. 

I believed it with all my heart. I don't know why I did. Just did I guess. Just knew.

For me, God is not a man on a throne on a cloud above us. I think I was always afraid they'd teach you that at church. (smiling) God is my higher power and lives in our higher self - where we are one. That's where we meet God. God is not dogma. God is love. God is spirit. That's God as I understand him. You have your own understanding of God, and I know you know God because I saw it.

The events of this one day helped me see that in you, and never worry about it again.

It is the story of the day you climbed under the big evergreen tree while having a temper tantrum of shame.

God met you there.

I'll tell you the story again soon. Right here.